So Long
At the beginning of September I was asked by Jida Akil to help direct her CSM alive piece. At the time we were unsure about whether we would be allowed to live capture in the Platform theatre or if we would have to create a fully virtual performance.
We started by listing our lockdown experiences (e.g. the loss of a pet, being stuck abroad, confusion from the news, illness). We organised them into sections until we ended up with 4 sections: Grief, Confusion, Time-stop, and Regrowth. I explored these emotions further through spoken word, writing a piece for each section (see below), whilst Jida began designing moodboards and costumes.
From there, we developed a character document (see below) which we used to communicate the concept to the choreographer and sound designer. When we found out that we would be able to record the performance in the Platform Theatre we were overjoyed. During the rehearsal process it became hard to be a hands on director so I took on a more classical dramaturg role with additional work editing the videos for the projection mapping. These turned out to go hand in hand as the main dramaturgical conversation surrounded the “experiencer’s” relationship with the projected figures.
Poetry
by Maya
Pause….
Pause….
They said Pause….
I was going about my life,
I’ll be honest I lived it to the fullest
Not to dance and drink
But to experience and think
Of the extent of the world I wanted to live in.
I went to Uni, to work,
to be the bottom of the food chain
I didn’t realise that the loss would cause me pain
But it did, it was also pain at the time maybe
What am I talking about?
I just want to scream and shout
Because I can’t go out
I can’t go out
Pause…
Pause..
They said Pause…
Bet they didn’t realise that pause would last so long
And instead they left millions of budding flowers out in the snow
With nothing to show
Instead we are trapped
Our excuses capped
Not allowed to complain because
Who could predict that we would end up here
Who could predict that we would end up here
Stuck on Pause
Pause
Pause
Like broken VHS tapes or a cheap DVD player
Playing the same day again or whatever
We’ll be fine by Christmas
Or maybe next year
The lies don’t end, but continue to appear
Because who could predict that we would end up here
Pause
By Maya
Mum, Dad,
Grandma, Grandpa
Sister, Brother
Daughter, Son
Best Friend, Boyfriend
Girlfriend, Partner
Cat, Dog
Hamster, Bunny
Gone
Can’t say goodbye
Gone
by Maya
I went for a walk at night and I could see into every home
Buildings of people who all feel alone
I see into their enclosures as they are stuck here
In Purgatory Zoo
Check out the manic youth over in the future exhibit
Spending hours hanging out or hanging in, all online
Check out the parents of kids, who are losing it
If they have to watch frozen one more fucking time
Check out the middle-aged mothers who I admit
Didn’t expect to be stuck back with their kid
Stuck inside a Purgatory Zoo
We baked, we binged, we balanced
The denial of chaos with the sudden surplus of empty hours
After that the hours were filled with finding something to live for
Something to die for in purgatory zoo
Because we should at least be thankful that we aren’t in world war 2
So instead we fought for the earth, eventually for the rights of people who we should have been caring about in the first place.
Then that ended. We found a new cause to binge.
There is always something new,
Stuck inside Purgatory zoo.
They left us here with no word and no security
Who knew that we would feel purgatory?
Without the relief of death
Stuck staring at the wall binging shows about what we’re supposed to be doing
Cooking with Monica, Comicon with Sheldon, Catching Crime with the 99
But somehow, they feel wrong
Where are their masks?
Why are they allowed to hug?
They’re out at a Gig
Or on dates with Big.
What’s going on?
Why didn’t they have to go home too
Stuck inside a Purgatory Zoo
Oh shit my bread is burning.
Character Document
Outcome
In the end this turned out to be not only the final project I worked on, but my last day in person at CSM as well. I’m terrible at goodbyes but this one is particularly poignant. All I can say for now is…